4 Bachelor Party Fouls You Should Avoid
Hopefully, Best Man, you already know not to schedule a bachelor party for the night before the wedding. This foul will get you removed from the game and shot by a firing squad of hungover groomsmen, suspicious bridesmaids and foaming-at-the-mouth bride. Cheapskate out-of-towners may pressure you to pack in the party on the Thursday before the Saturday nuptials, but the same penalty applies. In fact, any bachelor party scheduled less than a month before the big day is a foul. A lot needs to happen between these events, particularly for the groom: the alibi, or a portion thereof, will immediately unravel, prompting days and weeks of apologies, recriminations and threats of cancellation. The ceremony itself should be timed to perfectly ride the crest of post bachelor-party reconciliation into tearfully wedded bliss.
Let’s face it: groomsmen can be immature. Jockeying for the groom’s attention, undermining the best man, pouting, showing off, forming cliques and turning on each other. With just a few drinks, minor irritations can blossom into hurled punches, broken bottles, crashed cars, jail. And no one wants jail. So let’s talk penalties. Bench-time for any campaign of negativity or mockery designed to provoke. An extra round is on anyone attempting to break off from the pack, horde goodies, or otherwise foment factions. And no sulking. Remember: this night is about the groom, not you. So grow up, okay?
We all know that guy, who invited you over to dissect live frogs during childhood, then in college got way too into hazing. That guy will destroy a bachelor party, and quite possibly the groom himself. He’ll come armed with clippers for passed-out full-body shaving. He’ll drug you all as a “clever homage” to The Hangover, then when you freeze him out, he’ll blackmail his way back in with pictures. To avoid that fate, do not invite him – to the party, or the wedding, or your life. Instead, use him as a reminder, even at your drunkest and rowdiest: do not ever become that guy yourself.
Divulging State Secrets.
You know what this means, groomsmen: there is a code. No bombed boasting, no picture posting (even the innocent ones hold clues), no confessing to the girlfriend who claims she’s cool. She cannot be trusted. So you will live or die by how well – or poorly – you navigate its maze of tortured logic. Make no mistake: this is global espionage, complete with cover stories, cover-cover stories, destruction of and tampering with evidence, and the inevitable sacrificial lamb. One weak link and its Mission: Impossible.